Ever since I was little, I was told that I was part métis on my dad’s side, and that side of my family were the ones I’m closest to. therefore, ever since I was little I identified myself as metis and participated in the CSCNO schoolboard’s events and activities for indigenous students. I was being included in cultural activities since the age of 9, when I told my parents I wanted to learn about my culture. I did my research starting at the age of 14 based on my family’s documents that my great grandmother was métis, and that my great grandfather (her dad) was a mix of Abenaki, Iroquois and Mikmaq from the Montreal area.
However, I recently hired a genealogist, someone that does research specifically in eastern Ontario indigenous genealogy. What I learned is that I was barely indigenous, 11th generation métis – Iroquois. Her name was Marguerite Picargouiche and I called another genealogist to ask about her and if there’s a possibility there could of been an error on behalf of the researcher. Before I could even say more, she called me a pretendian. Pretendian is someone who pretends to be indigenous, and deep down that’s what I was. I was practicing a culture that didn’t belong to me. What I did learn is that that great great grandfather wasn’t indigenous, but a Portuguese immigrant that assimilated with indigenous people of the region they moved to, Chelmsford, On.(my hometown). He was able to do this due to his skin being darker than other European immigrants at the time. The lies continued to my grandfather and his siblings, however my family married into a métis family, but biologically I’m not related to those « relatives », therefore barely métis blood quantum wise.
To be quite honest, I’m not too sure what to make of it since the lies of my ancestors affected my self image. It shaped who I thought I was and I really wanted to learn more about who I am, but these lies led me to participating in indigenous culture often, doing activities with York’s Indigenous club, CISS, and round dances and fashion shows with ISAY, the indigenous students association. I made so many connections and friends along the way, while learning so much about life as an indigenous person from indigenous people. I talked to an elder at the indigenous club and we agreed that the best step going forward is to be an ally. There is no point in identifying in something I’m not, and I have to realize that, which I am slowly accepting. That doesn’t mean that I can’t participate in the culture, it just means I myself am not from indigenous ancestry. I finally know who I really am and now I can move on from questioning my identity.
